How I work
A conversation you keep going over, a decision you are avoiding, or a situation that leaves you reacting in a way you don’t quite understand can all give us somewhere to begin.
We can start with something happening in your life now and look at it closely together. I’ll be interested not only in what happened, but in what you felt, what you expected, what became difficult, and what you found yourself doing.
Looking at what keeps happening
You might agree to something you don’t want, then feel angry with yourself afterwards. We could slow that moment down. What made saying no difficult? What did you expect might happen if you refused? What did agreeing make easier in the moment, and what became difficult afterwards?
I’m interested in both sides of a response like that. You may genuinely want it to change and still have good reasons for relying on it. We may also become curious about where an expectation came from. Earlier experiences can help us understand why something feels familiar, without assuming that the past explains everything happening now.
What happens between us
What happens in the therapy relationship can sometimes give us something useful to work with.
If something I say leaves you feeling dismissed, or you notice yourself agreeing with me when you don’t really agree, I want us to be able to talk about it.
Sometimes that may mean I have misunderstood you or said something unhelpful. At other times, we may become curious about whether something familiar is happening between us.
We don’t have to decide in advance which it is. We can look at what happened, what each of us understood, and what was difficult to say or do in the moment.
Trying something different
Understanding something more clearly can create choices, but change often also means doing something differently.
We might think about a situation you expect to face, what you would like to do, and what makes that difficult. Sometimes that means experimenting with a different response while knowing that it may still feel uncomfortable.
Feeling guilty, anxious or uncertain doesn’t necessarily mean you have made the wrong choice.
And some situations genuinely leave little room for change. I want to take those limits seriously too. We can think about what you can influence, what remains outside your control, and what support you may need.
There isn’t one place we have to look
At different times we may pay attention to what is happening now, earlier experiences, the way you relate to yourself and other people, what happens between us, or what you want to try outside therapy.
What matters is whether it helps us understand your experience more fully and gives you more room to choose.
A first conversation
I offer a free telephone conversation of up to 20 minutes. You can tell me a little about what brings you to therapy, ask about how I work, and get a sense of whether working together might suit you.