The longer I train as a psychotherapist the more interested I become in how people’s interpretations of the world come to feel so convincing.
We make sense of the world by telling ourselves stories about our experiences. Most of the time, this happens so quickly that we barely even notice it. One phrase I’ve heard repeatedly throughout my training is “just notice.” It’s simple, and the importance of slowing the process down is very apparent to me now.
A delayed reply becomes “they’re upset with me.” A change in someone’s tone becomes “I’ve done something wrong.” A moment of uncertainty transforms into certainty.
The story isn’t the problem. Our minds are built to create meaning, we are meaning-making beings, working exactly as intended.
The difficulty comes when we don’t realise that it’s a story we created. It becomes a fact in our minds, and it shapes how we feel, how we behave and how we relate to other people.
I don’t believe that therapy is about replacing one story with another or telling someone that they’re wrong. More often, it’s about creating enough space to ask a different question:
“What led to this story feeling so true?”
Rather than asking “what’s wrong with this person?” we might ask “what has happened to them?“
Sometimes curiosity opens the door to a fuller understanding of ourselves, our relationships and the experiences that have shaped us.
Not every story is inaccurate. But every story is at least worth becoming aware of.
Featured Image by Roma Kaiuk🇺🇦 via Unsplash